I am starting a new Blog. This is going to be about my cat Jabbles. He is having some issues right now, and I am on a mission to conquer and save. I have barely begun but it is
savejayjay.blogspot.com
check it out!!
Friday, March 23, 2012
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Chasing Dreams
Do you ever feel like you are running, but aren't going anywhere?
yelling, but nobody hears you?
Screaming, but no sound comes out?
Crying, but no tears are coming?
I have expressed my feeling of being stuck. It is getting to me. This is more about a house than a baby, but its that too. Its all of it. I am running, but not getting anywhere. I am going as fast and furiously as I can , but its not working. I am drowning. I can't move. I can't lose weight, and I can't get pregnant. Its so frustrating. I have been focusing on the things I can do, but I hit a wall. I have broken down.It hurts and no one really understands. Not even my husband. He has this unbelievable ability to live in the moment. It is what it is attitude. I am a bit of a dreamer I guess. That is what makes us work. I dream and go and he is calm in the storm and lives in the moment. But what happens when I break. When I dream, but can't go. That is what keeps me ME. That is what I do that is my job. That is how I am successful. That is how I fullfil my roll.
I am dreaming, but I can not make it work. It is out of my control. But I refuse to stop trying. I need to be happy with where I am and make it work and be happy in it. But I am having a hard time giving it all up. I pray and pray and pray. Begging to give it to God. To help me have a better attitude. To help me be happy with where I am and what I have. I am stuck. I might as well make the best of it. But living in 710 sq feet surrounded by boxes and clutter is driving me mad. I can't take it anymore. I need to move. I need to have a home I can take pride in. I don't want to hate my home anymore. And that is what this has all done. So I can give up waiting for my short sale to come through. But I can't, I LOVE that house its been 6 months of waiting, what is a few more.... I must make it through this storm. But why do I melt down.... I am sure everyone that knows me hates me right now. I am the world's biggest bitch. And I can't help myself. I cry more than I have ever cried in my life. When people try to help me I don't accept it. When they don't say a word I feel alone. I am alone. I have created my own hell in my own head. How do I deal with stress. Why isnt this working. I am sure God is carrying me through more than I know. I think to myself this is not that big of a deal. Why am I so stressed out? I think its a combination of everything. I have a dream and I just can't reach it. I am not ready to give up. The feeling of being out of control is hard. I want a home to hang my heart and have a safe place that is my own. I have grown to hate where I am living. So I don't have that place to go to let my hair down and relax. Because where I am living is the source of my stress. Outside of that I am at work,and good lord that is stressful enough.
But I can do this. I can do anything with God. I might be crazy, and shit stay far far away. But this too shall pass. Don't mind the cloud above my head. Don't mind my bitchiness. Don't mind my depression. I am broken right now, but I will mend. It could be soo much worse.....
yelling, but nobody hears you?
Screaming, but no sound comes out?
Crying, but no tears are coming?
I have expressed my feeling of being stuck. It is getting to me. This is more about a house than a baby, but its that too. Its all of it. I am running, but not getting anywhere. I am going as fast and furiously as I can , but its not working. I am drowning. I can't move. I can't lose weight, and I can't get pregnant. Its so frustrating. I have been focusing on the things I can do, but I hit a wall. I have broken down.It hurts and no one really understands. Not even my husband. He has this unbelievable ability to live in the moment. It is what it is attitude. I am a bit of a dreamer I guess. That is what makes us work. I dream and go and he is calm in the storm and lives in the moment. But what happens when I break. When I dream, but can't go. That is what keeps me ME. That is what I do that is my job. That is how I am successful. That is how I fullfil my roll.
I am dreaming, but I can not make it work. It is out of my control. But I refuse to stop trying. I need to be happy with where I am and make it work and be happy in it. But I am having a hard time giving it all up. I pray and pray and pray. Begging to give it to God. To help me have a better attitude. To help me be happy with where I am and what I have. I am stuck. I might as well make the best of it. But living in 710 sq feet surrounded by boxes and clutter is driving me mad. I can't take it anymore. I need to move. I need to have a home I can take pride in. I don't want to hate my home anymore. And that is what this has all done. So I can give up waiting for my short sale to come through. But I can't, I LOVE that house its been 6 months of waiting, what is a few more.... I must make it through this storm. But why do I melt down.... I am sure everyone that knows me hates me right now. I am the world's biggest bitch. And I can't help myself. I cry more than I have ever cried in my life. When people try to help me I don't accept it. When they don't say a word I feel alone. I am alone. I have created my own hell in my own head. How do I deal with stress. Why isnt this working. I am sure God is carrying me through more than I know. I think to myself this is not that big of a deal. Why am I so stressed out? I think its a combination of everything. I have a dream and I just can't reach it. I am not ready to give up. The feeling of being out of control is hard. I want a home to hang my heart and have a safe place that is my own. I have grown to hate where I am living. So I don't have that place to go to let my hair down and relax. Because where I am living is the source of my stress. Outside of that I am at work,and good lord that is stressful enough.
But I can do this. I can do anything with God. I might be crazy, and shit stay far far away. But this too shall pass. Don't mind the cloud above my head. Don't mind my bitchiness. Don't mind my depression. I am broken right now, but I will mend. It could be soo much worse.....
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Stuck
So I have had a crappy attitude lately. I've been a real B*tch. To everyone. I just figured out my problem. From reading a DIY blog post (of all things)
I am stuck. I am down right stuck in all things.
Infertility - STUCK going nowhere fast
My home - STUCK can't move can't improve can't dream. I am STUCK
FAT ASSness - STUCK still fat...
Time managment and laziness - STUCK... I SUCK!
Wifely - getting better....
So I am going to be a positive loving child of God, and focus on where I can move. That is by being a good wife. I can do that! I can be wifely! that doesnt take counting calories or moving and being creative or popping out kids. I just have do wifely stuff. That makes me happy! I have been actually doing some wonderful wifely things lately. I will focus on that!
I am STUCK in a piss poor mood lately, and all I ever seem to do is notice how I FAIL at everything. I do NOT fail as a wife... I will grow that some more. Until I move into my home, and then I can dream away and have projects and goals and things to do. So while I am stuck in 710 sq ft condo with clutter and boxes surrounding me for the 5th month in a row I will focus on how I am a kick ass wife, and make sure to be better at it everyday!!
I feel like this....
I am gonna do this...
(that is getting up from being stuck in the mudd FYI)
hee hee
I am stuck. I am down right stuck in all things.
Infertility - STUCK going nowhere fast
My home - STUCK can't move can't improve can't dream. I am STUCK
FAT ASSness - STUCK still fat...
Time managment and laziness - STUCK... I SUCK!
Wifely - getting better....
So I am going to be a positive loving child of God, and focus on where I can move. That is by being a good wife. I can do that! I can be wifely! that doesnt take counting calories or moving and being creative or popping out kids. I just have do wifely stuff. That makes me happy! I have been actually doing some wonderful wifely things lately. I will focus on that!
I am STUCK in a piss poor mood lately, and all I ever seem to do is notice how I FAIL at everything. I do NOT fail as a wife... I will grow that some more. Until I move into my home, and then I can dream away and have projects and goals and things to do. So while I am stuck in 710 sq ft condo with clutter and boxes surrounding me for the 5th month in a row I will focus on how I am a kick ass wife, and make sure to be better at it everyday!!
I feel like this....
I am gonna do this...
hee hee
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Aminals/furries/lovey muffins
You can already guess where this is going... I am obsessed with the furry things in life! They bring me pure joy! So this will be about them! I know I have already done a post on my cats, but here is more, because I can't stop sharing my love for them!
This is Sweetie she was my 1st pet I came home with her at 18. My mom wouldn't let her leave when I moved out. But I love her forever and always visit! But my mom needed her. Empty nest syndrome is no joke.
I got some Chinchillas during apartment life. They were EXPENSIVE. Holy vet visits batman!!!!! I ended up having chins for 1 year. I went through 3!!! and when it was over I still owed 1200 bucks to my visa. Won't go that route again. I went through easily another grand on house decorations and a giant habitat bigger than me!! (which is what killed my baby chin! found him hanging in there caught on the 5th story ladder by his foot) ugh! I don't have any pics as that was during the time that my camera and laptop were stolen when my apartment was robbed. Lost about 3 years worth of pics...if only I had printed :(
Then came the cats!
first came Daisy
The pic of me in the jacket was the first moment I saw her. My heart was hers. I adopted her from some rescue. They were at petsmart when I picked her up. She was so upset being at petsmart. When she met me she clung on, and didn't want to let go. It was like she knew she was going to have a better life with me. She was my BABY!!
This is her today in her hammock!
Then came Potsie. Gabe picked him out from a shelter that was flooding out in Austin MN. Gabe kept his happy days name.
Potsie was Gabes boy from the beginning. He stayed in our guest bedroom for 2 weeks until he was fully introduced to my Daisy. Gabe slept in the guest room with him. They are attached at the hip to this day!
Her he is today!
Then came Jabbles. He was an oops. We meant to find him a better home I got him from a bad situation. By midnight we knew he was staying.... hee hee
Here is the little fatty today!
Ok I will stop with the furry pics. But I just had to do it again! I am in love !
And you better believe I will be a foster when I get a house! I hope I can one day introduce a dog to the family, but we will see how that goes. I worry about my cats becoming unhappy with them being the gems of our eyes these days.
I have to admit in moments when I succumb to infertility I swear I will become an animal hoarder. I bring myself back to reality and say I will just devote myself to animal rescue, and the caring and giving to animals.
I have this deep desire to nurture and to love and look after. My furries help me through my lows of infertility. My husband and my cats thats all I can ever ask for!
From the bottom of my heart thank you for being part of my life. I couldn't do this with out you.
Dearest Baby,
I hope to one day share the love of animals with you! I hope that we can volunteer together, and I hope taking care of them will teach you responsibility and unselfish giving.
No one should grow up with out the love and companionship of a furry.
Love,
Your Dearest Mommy
This is Sweetie she was my 1st pet I came home with her at 18. My mom wouldn't let her leave when I moved out. But I love her forever and always visit! But my mom needed her. Empty nest syndrome is no joke.
I got some Chinchillas during apartment life. They were EXPENSIVE. Holy vet visits batman!!!!! I ended up having chins for 1 year. I went through 3!!! and when it was over I still owed 1200 bucks to my visa. Won't go that route again. I went through easily another grand on house decorations and a giant habitat bigger than me!! (which is what killed my baby chin! found him hanging in there caught on the 5th story ladder by his foot) ugh! I don't have any pics as that was during the time that my camera and laptop were stolen when my apartment was robbed. Lost about 3 years worth of pics...if only I had printed :(
Then came the cats!
first came Daisy
The pic of me in the jacket was the first moment I saw her. My heart was hers. I adopted her from some rescue. They were at petsmart when I picked her up. She was so upset being at petsmart. When she met me she clung on, and didn't want to let go. It was like she knew she was going to have a better life with me. She was my BABY!!
This is her today in her hammock!
Her he is today!
Then came Jabbles. He was an oops. We meant to find him a better home I got him from a bad situation. By midnight we knew he was staying.... hee hee
Ok I will stop with the furry pics. But I just had to do it again! I am in love !
And you better believe I will be a foster when I get a house! I hope I can one day introduce a dog to the family, but we will see how that goes. I worry about my cats becoming unhappy with them being the gems of our eyes these days.
I have to admit in moments when I succumb to infertility I swear I will become an animal hoarder. I bring myself back to reality and say I will just devote myself to animal rescue, and the caring and giving to animals.
I have this deep desire to nurture and to love and look after. My furries help me through my lows of infertility. My husband and my cats thats all I can ever ask for!
From the bottom of my heart thank you for being part of my life. I couldn't do this with out you.
Dearest Baby,
I hope to one day share the love of animals with you! I hope that we can volunteer together, and I hope taking care of them will teach you responsibility and unselfish giving.
No one should grow up with out the love and companionship of a furry.
Love,
Your Dearest Mommy
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Fighting Myself
After bible study today I came home and the first thing I went for is food. I have a bad bad bad habit of eating dinner at 530-6 then around 9pm I eat again. Not necessarily another dinner, but a large amount of junk food. lots of chips and salsa or a bowl of cereal or a quesadilla..blah blah..
Well my fat ass did it!! I made some tea and caught up on my blogs for the day! whoo hooo!
Problem... I still want to eat again.
So I am making a plan to kick this habit in the ass.
#1 Hunger is not an emergency!
#2 5 baby pickles
#3 another cup of decaf tea
#4 in moment of break down. 1/4 cup of cottage cheese.
I can do this!! I hate being fat and having food on my mind all the time. Food is a nasty drug....
Dearest Baby,
I hope you never have these struggles! I hope I can teach you the right way to eat!
Love,
Your Dearest Mommy
Well my fat ass did it!! I made some tea and caught up on my blogs for the day! whoo hooo!
Problem... I still want to eat again.
So I am making a plan to kick this habit in the ass.
#1 Hunger is not an emergency!
#2 5 baby pickles
#3 another cup of decaf tea
#4 in moment of break down. 1/4 cup of cottage cheese.
I can do this!! I hate being fat and having food on my mind all the time. Food is a nasty drug....
Dearest Baby,
I hope you never have these struggles! I hope I can teach you the right way to eat!
Love,
Your Dearest Mommy
Favorite Pic of the day
So as I sit here at work watching my screen saver listening to a podcast (on my lunch). I decided this is my favorite picture of the day.
The best part is my sister took it. This was the beginning of her "I think I want to be a photographer" days. This is amazing, and she has come so far.
The love in my hubs eye... you can see it. I can usually feel it but not see it. But he is such a little S**T that this picture makes me giggle. Doesnt it look so romantic and loving! as if we are that way all the time.... YEAH RIGHT!! LOL. His idea of showing me he loves me is a big fart and the fan blows it in my face. or asking for a **** job. HA!! My idea of romance is a costco trip :) Hence the reason I love this picture! Captures the true feelings of our heart! After 5 years together I can still say we are still obsessed with eachother. I swear I really do actually love him more. We are WAYYY less romantic, but I love him more.
Thank you TGB photography for this picture.
Dearest Baby,
I can't wait for Auntie to take pics of you growing. In my belly and as a baby. I am sure she will capture priceless photos, and our home will become a TGB photography museum! LOL.
Love,
Your Dearest Mommy
The best part is my sister took it. This was the beginning of her "I think I want to be a photographer" days. This is amazing, and she has come so far.
The love in my hubs eye... you can see it. I can usually feel it but not see it. But he is such a little S**T that this picture makes me giggle. Doesnt it look so romantic and loving! as if we are that way all the time.... YEAH RIGHT!! LOL. His idea of showing me he loves me is a big fart and the fan blows it in my face. or asking for a **** job. HA!! My idea of romance is a costco trip :) Hence the reason I love this picture! Captures the true feelings of our heart! After 5 years together I can still say we are still obsessed with eachother. I swear I really do actually love him more. We are WAYYY less romantic, but I love him more.
Thank you TGB photography for this picture.
Dearest Baby,
I can't wait for Auntie to take pics of you growing. In my belly and as a baby. I am sure she will capture priceless photos, and our home will become a TGB photography museum! LOL.
Love,
Your Dearest Mommy
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