Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Judgment
This weekend I spent just me and my parents dogs. House sitting. I thought I was going to fix all the issues with their new naughty puppy, and I was going to implement some good training techniques. Well to my shock and surprise that naughty puppy wore me ragged. I had a break down on Friday. Then when all things calmed down and me and the dogs were snuggling on the chair, and I started reading my book... my sister walked in unannounced and uninvited and it all started again. I was then rude to my sister and brought this up 3 times over the next 2 days.
I learned 2 things from this.
#1 I judged my parents ability and skill with taking on a new puppy.
#2 I always make a point of spilling my negative feelings toward people. I can't keep it in.
Why do I judge people? Why do I think I know what is right what is wrong? How people are. What they do. It is silly, and I make excuses for why I do it. I tell my self I am helping them. I am helping them be a better person by telling them what they really should do.
Well I learned everything I said to my mom about Teddy and tips and tricks and blah blah. Well she is doing it and she does it better than me. I was wrong. I judged wrong.
I have a bad habit of trying to fix every one's problems. I judge the situation and then tell them what to do to fix it... and I am probably wrong most of the time. If people want advise they will ask, and when I give my opinion I will do it nicely.
And #2 to Tara.... I am just sorry that I was rude.... another thing I need to learn to keep my mouth shut when I am annoyed... It did no good to tell you that I was annoyed... I cant even think of what you did wrong. I was just crabby... and I wanted you to be sorry for it! Ugh... I hate being so imperfect....
on a lighter note this picture makes me really happy.
Dearest baby,
I am going to try to accept you just the way you are. I will try to show you what I know so you can be the best you, you can be. I know you will make mistakes and "annoy" me. But I will love you anyways. I will try to save my advise for when you are seeking. All these little lessons I learn they are for you too!
Love,
Your Dearest Mommy
I learned 2 things from this.
#1 I judged my parents ability and skill with taking on a new puppy.
#2 I always make a point of spilling my negative feelings toward people. I can't keep it in.
Why do I judge people? Why do I think I know what is right what is wrong? How people are. What they do. It is silly, and I make excuses for why I do it. I tell my self I am helping them. I am helping them be a better person by telling them what they really should do.
Well I learned everything I said to my mom about Teddy and tips and tricks and blah blah. Well she is doing it and she does it better than me. I was wrong. I judged wrong.
I have a bad habit of trying to fix every one's problems. I judge the situation and then tell them what to do to fix it... and I am probably wrong most of the time. If people want advise they will ask, and when I give my opinion I will do it nicely.
And #2 to Tara.... I am just sorry that I was rude.... another thing I need to learn to keep my mouth shut when I am annoyed... It did no good to tell you that I was annoyed... I cant even think of what you did wrong. I was just crabby... and I wanted you to be sorry for it! Ugh... I hate being so imperfect....
on a lighter note this picture makes me really happy.
Dearest baby,
I am going to try to accept you just the way you are. I will try to show you what I know so you can be the best you, you can be. I know you will make mistakes and "annoy" me. But I will love you anyways. I will try to save my advise for when you are seeking. All these little lessons I learn they are for you too!
Love,
Your Dearest Mommy
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
2011
Now that it is a new year 2011 is such a blur, and I am confused on what I really feel about 2011.
I love this year for my spiritual growth. I grew so much closer to God. It is truly beautiful. I love church, and I love everything I have learned, and I have so much more to grow and to learn and to change. And for this I love 2011.
I did not take any pictures from Jan1st 2011 - Dec 25th 2011 I think this is because my year was pretty uneventful. I took boring Cell phone pics and that is it. This is something I would like to change for 2012. Document my life with pictures!
We saved lots of money! I got a new position at work and a raise! For this I am grateful!
We decided to buy a house!
We found a house !
We were very unsuccessful trying to conceive. Then in September I was put on Femara on top of the Metformin and the supplements. I ovulated and got a period in November and December!!
I am soooo excited to say I have ovulated 2 times in a row, and I have not had to have my cycle induced since the end of September beginning of October. For this I am grateful!!
We ended the year in major stress with the buying of the house and the short sale, and the condo being sold out from under us. Though we have now figured this out. Unfortunately I have let that burned in my brain and I forget the wonderful things that happened.
So I am very excited for what 2012 has to throw my way.
Dearest Baby,
I thought 2011 I would make you and you would be growing. I was sadly wrong, but I think we have made some progress and that is what counts. My relationship with God is better and that is most important thing. Especially it is through God that I will be blessed with the miracle of one day meeting you! Well Baby cheers to 2012 and hopefully this will be the year!
Love your Dearest Mommy!
A peaceful picture of my fishing sight last summer. A simple reminder for me to keep my peace through the present Chaos!
I love this year for my spiritual growth. I grew so much closer to God. It is truly beautiful. I love church, and I love everything I have learned, and I have so much more to grow and to learn and to change. And for this I love 2011.
I did not take any pictures from Jan1st 2011 - Dec 25th 2011 I think this is because my year was pretty uneventful. I took boring Cell phone pics and that is it. This is something I would like to change for 2012. Document my life with pictures!
We saved lots of money! I got a new position at work and a raise! For this I am grateful!
We decided to buy a house!
We found a house !
We were very unsuccessful trying to conceive. Then in September I was put on Femara on top of the Metformin and the supplements. I ovulated and got a period in November and December!!
I am soooo excited to say I have ovulated 2 times in a row, and I have not had to have my cycle induced since the end of September beginning of October. For this I am grateful!!
We ended the year in major stress with the buying of the house and the short sale, and the condo being sold out from under us. Though we have now figured this out. Unfortunately I have let that burned in my brain and I forget the wonderful things that happened.
So I am very excited for what 2012 has to throw my way.
Dearest Baby,
I thought 2011 I would make you and you would be growing. I was sadly wrong, but I think we have made some progress and that is what counts. My relationship with God is better and that is most important thing. Especially it is through God that I will be blessed with the miracle of one day meeting you! Well Baby cheers to 2012 and hopefully this will be the year!
Love your Dearest Mommy!
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Waiting
I am sick of waiting! I am sick of waiting to hear about our house. I am sick of waiting to hear if we are homeless or not. I am sick of waiting to see if I ovulated. I am sick of waiting to take my first maybe prego test. I am sick of waiting.
Lord please bless me with patience and please bless me RIGHT NOW!
So on the good news note! I am super duper happy to announce that I got my period folks! Whoo HOO! and yes I am celebrating, because this is month 2 I ovulated and got a period. I am thinking my dearest baby will be growing soon :) I hope I hope! Please Please Please!
Now I just have to WAIT to see if I can ovulate for month 3 and hopefully make us a baby!
I can't say it is ideal timing, but I don't care. And I don't care 1 little bit. I am sicking of WAITING for the right timing. I am sick WAITING for my baby. I am sick of WAITING for my doctors OK. I am sick of WAITING for the right meds. I am sick of WAITING until I lose more weight.
I just have to wait for God's perfect timing, and I dont know when that is exactly so I will accept it whenever that is. and if I have to continue to WAIT I suppose I will just have to suck it up and trust in Gods will. I will do what I can with the doctors help and health and meds and so forth. and leave the miracle to him!
Now this attitude is so much easier said than done. but if I do the right thing my emotions will follow. and I do believe this.
I have had a bit of a bad attitude lately. I would really like to fix this...
Dearest Baby,
I have a swelling in my heart that says I will meet you one day soon. Every minute of waiting will be worth that day.
Love,
Your Dearest Mommy
This picture was taken by TGB Photography. It was on my wedding day. It captures this beautiful inner peace that led me in the right direction through all the chaos of my mind.
Sometimes a girls mind is her biggest battle. Follow the peace, the small whisper. The light with in. If you stop and pray and find that peace the lord will show you the way. This picture shows me that. I forget most of the time, and get swept away in the chaos, but stop pray slow down and listen to God.
Lord please bless me with patience and please bless me RIGHT NOW!
So on the good news note! I am super duper happy to announce that I got my period folks! Whoo HOO! and yes I am celebrating, because this is month 2 I ovulated and got a period. I am thinking my dearest baby will be growing soon :) I hope I hope! Please Please Please!
Now I just have to WAIT to see if I can ovulate for month 3 and hopefully make us a baby!
I can't say it is ideal timing, but I don't care. And I don't care 1 little bit. I am sicking of WAITING for the right timing. I am sick WAITING for my baby. I am sick of WAITING for my doctors OK. I am sick of WAITING for the right meds. I am sick of WAITING until I lose more weight.
I just have to wait for God's perfect timing, and I dont know when that is exactly so I will accept it whenever that is. and if I have to continue to WAIT I suppose I will just have to suck it up and trust in Gods will. I will do what I can with the doctors help and health and meds and so forth. and leave the miracle to him!
Now this attitude is so much easier said than done. but if I do the right thing my emotions will follow. and I do believe this.
I have had a bit of a bad attitude lately. I would really like to fix this...
Dearest Baby,
I have a swelling in my heart that says I will meet you one day soon. Every minute of waiting will be worth that day.
Love,
Your Dearest Mommy
This picture was taken by TGB Photography. It was on my wedding day. It captures this beautiful inner peace that led me in the right direction through all the chaos of my mind.
Sometimes a girls mind is her biggest battle. Follow the peace, the small whisper. The light with in. If you stop and pray and find that peace the lord will show you the way. This picture shows me that. I forget most of the time, and get swept away in the chaos, but stop pray slow down and listen to God.
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Christmas is coming!
I have to say I am so not in the Christmas spirit this year. With the stress of not knowing where we are going to be living upon us, and money issues, and hormones! OYE!!!
Its hard to be thankful for what I have. It is hard to not wallow in my self pity!
For some people life seems to go smoothly and everything has a way of working itself out. And for others they seem to struggle so much more. Lately I feel like our path has been really tough. For the most part I am right on that middle line. But lately nothing seems to be going our way.
I know the answer is to have faith in God and not worry. That everything will work itself out. I am seeing that so far. I have been FLIPPING out because it looks like we are going to be homeless in a days notice anyday now. I had a complete and utter melt down. Today I accidentally met the buyer of where we are living. He offered us to be able to rent the unit from him month to month!!! we have to pay 175 more a month! OYE but it will be worth it for us not to have to move twice!
Fertility has fallen to the back burner right now with the unbelievable stress of this move. I was charting horribly this month. and now I think I ovulated, but I do NOT know when. Part of me wonders if I am pregnant. I didnt think I ovulated as of day 20 and now I take it back. looking at my trends I may have. or I ovulated after day 20. I just dont know! OYE!! I am sure I am not pregnant that would just be too good to be true. Even though right now would feel like HORRIBLE timing! I want to be in prime condition for my baby not have this awful stress. I dont know if that is a good environment for my baby to start. But if God has blessed me on this month it is perfect. I trust that.
I find I trust God and his timing and his path for me. But when I am amongst the unknown I dont do well. I don't want to be this way. I want to continue absolute trust at all times no matter what.
But that is so much easier said than done!!
Dearest Baby,
No matter what I love you. No matter what happens in my life or how much chaos none of it will matter but you. For you I will be your anchor. For you I will make it work no matter what. For you I will do anything. I am not perfect and I don't handle stress well. but for you dearest I will try my hardest to make sure you feel the effects as little as possible. For you I will do my best.
My dearest baby it is all for you. All for the thought of you. All for the dream of you. All for the love of you! All for the hope that I will one day meet you.
Love,
So comfortable and with complete faith. Home is where we are as long as we are together :) That is truly what matters. LOVE
Its hard to be thankful for what I have. It is hard to not wallow in my self pity!
For some people life seems to go smoothly and everything has a way of working itself out. And for others they seem to struggle so much more. Lately I feel like our path has been really tough. For the most part I am right on that middle line. But lately nothing seems to be going our way.
I know the answer is to have faith in God and not worry. That everything will work itself out. I am seeing that so far. I have been FLIPPING out because it looks like we are going to be homeless in a days notice anyday now. I had a complete and utter melt down. Today I accidentally met the buyer of where we are living. He offered us to be able to rent the unit from him month to month!!! we have to pay 175 more a month! OYE but it will be worth it for us not to have to move twice!
Fertility has fallen to the back burner right now with the unbelievable stress of this move. I was charting horribly this month. and now I think I ovulated, but I do NOT know when. Part of me wonders if I am pregnant. I didnt think I ovulated as of day 20 and now I take it back. looking at my trends I may have. or I ovulated after day 20. I just dont know! OYE!! I am sure I am not pregnant that would just be too good to be true. Even though right now would feel like HORRIBLE timing! I want to be in prime condition for my baby not have this awful stress. I dont know if that is a good environment for my baby to start. But if God has blessed me on this month it is perfect. I trust that.
I find I trust God and his timing and his path for me. But when I am amongst the unknown I dont do well. I don't want to be this way. I want to continue absolute trust at all times no matter what.
But that is so much easier said than done!!
Dearest Baby,
No matter what I love you. No matter what happens in my life or how much chaos none of it will matter but you. For you I will be your anchor. For you I will make it work no matter what. For you I will do anything. I am not perfect and I don't handle stress well. but for you dearest I will try my hardest to make sure you feel the effects as little as possible. For you I will do my best.
My dearest baby it is all for you. All for the thought of you. All for the dream of you. All for the love of you! All for the hope that I will one day meet you.
Love,
Your Dearest Mommy
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Tis the season! for stress...
I love the holidays, and the warmth and the family time, and the fresh cold winter before we all get sick of it! I love the hustle and bustle of the malls with all the people and all the gifts, and the extra stock of fun things. I love the decorations and smells and over all feel. I love the church services and the meaning behind it all. But we all know tis the season for stress! This year is a bit worse for me. My stress is higher than usual. I have the every year stress of what do I buy for whom? How much money am I spending? Where do I go when? Can I fit everyone in? The ever present family dramas. But this year I am also worried about my house. When are we going to move? Will we be able to inspect the roof? Are we ready for this? Hubby's hours got cut at work. He did fortunately make it through 3 rounds of layoffs. We are blessed! Worring about Sunday School. The Christmas program. Making it to bible study. Stress over money... stress over money... did I say stress over money?? So to make myself feel better you are never going to guess what we decided to do! This makes no sense! We SPLURGED AND BOUGHT OUR SELVES EXPENSIVE CHRISTMAS GIFTS. That was stressful enough. But I am glad we did it! it is crazy I know! But we love our Christmas gifts! LOL.
The next large stresser is my dearest baby... I ovulated last month. and this month I am on cycle day 21 and so far I dont think I have ovulated. We put our all into trying this month. So I am feeling very stressed out and disappointed. I thought this was going to be my month! I hope I am wrong. but I just don't think I am. I think last month was a fluke.... tears...
I lost a few pounds this month. but my food battles are never ending, and I seem to lose more than I win.
Not smoking is going great. Though I tend to snack more than ever before. Every once in a while I just want a ciggy BADLY.
My supplements are not going all that well. I have been thinking about starting to juice like my sister does. and picking back up on the supplements and get to ovulating again. But with this move coming up I have sooo much stress!
I have been excersing more, but not enough.
Thats the story of my life sometimes. its good, but its not enough! Its never enough.
I have had moments where I just want to give up. I have had breakdowns and meltdowns. Lots of tears and ugly emotions towards other people I have never felt before.
Jealousy is something I have never really struggled with. Lately I am a jealous girl. I don't hate anyone for what they have. But I WANT what they have. and I judge the people that have it and think of why they don't deserve it. I am feeling worried and stressed and ugly.
So I am working on giving it to God. Letting him take care of me. I am walking blind and we will see what happens. I will do the best I can with what I have. If I make a mistake it will all be ok. God will take care of me. I just have to try. I need to be thankful for what I have. Not think about what I dont have. I am soo richly blessed in this life. I cannot believe I feel sorry for myself on certain days.
Today I am thankful for my wonderful little shit of a husband :)
Dearest Baby,
Today I would like to beg of you and God, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE COME TO ME!!!
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE LET ME BE YOUR DEAREST MOMMY!
Love,
Me
The next large stresser is my dearest baby... I ovulated last month. and this month I am on cycle day 21 and so far I dont think I have ovulated. We put our all into trying this month. So I am feeling very stressed out and disappointed. I thought this was going to be my month! I hope I am wrong. but I just don't think I am. I think last month was a fluke.... tears...
I lost a few pounds this month. but my food battles are never ending, and I seem to lose more than I win.
Not smoking is going great. Though I tend to snack more than ever before. Every once in a while I just want a ciggy BADLY.
My supplements are not going all that well. I have been thinking about starting to juice like my sister does. and picking back up on the supplements and get to ovulating again. But with this move coming up I have sooo much stress!
I have been excersing more, but not enough.
Thats the story of my life sometimes. its good, but its not enough! Its never enough.
I have had moments where I just want to give up. I have had breakdowns and meltdowns. Lots of tears and ugly emotions towards other people I have never felt before.
Jealousy is something I have never really struggled with. Lately I am a jealous girl. I don't hate anyone for what they have. But I WANT what they have. and I judge the people that have it and think of why they don't deserve it. I am feeling worried and stressed and ugly.
So I am working on giving it to God. Letting him take care of me. I am walking blind and we will see what happens. I will do the best I can with what I have. If I make a mistake it will all be ok. God will take care of me. I just have to try. I need to be thankful for what I have. Not think about what I dont have. I am soo richly blessed in this life. I cannot believe I feel sorry for myself on certain days.
Today I am thankful for my wonderful little shit of a husband :)
Today I would like to beg of you and God, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE COME TO ME!!!
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE LET ME BE YOUR DEAREST MOMMY!
Love,
Me
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Furry Family
Dearest Baby,
Today I wanted you to meet your furry family! They don't know it yet, but they want a human sibling! For now your Dad and I treat them like our children. We are in love with them! Life wouldn't be the same with out them! They all have a very unique personalities! Daisy is shy and sweet, and likes it when things are calm and quiet. She mostly loves me. she snuggles me everynight! Jabbles is special needs! LOL. he is naughty. Mr. Hissy Pants I call him.He is soft and has great plush fur. He has huge round eyes and face. he does NOT like it when I pace, and is food obsessed! Potsie is perfect! He loves everything and everyone! Nothing scares him! But Gabe has a special place in Potsie's heart! He is a daddy's boy!
This is Daisy
This is Jabbles
This is Potsie
I hope you have a true love for animals as much as I do. I hope you will be rewarded and blessed in life with having pets!
Love your Dearest Mommy!
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