Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Sunday, January 22, 2012


This weekend I spent just me and my parents dogs. House sitting. I thought I was going to fix all the issues with their new naughty puppy, and I was going to implement some good training techniques. Well to my shock and surprise that naughty puppy wore me ragged. I had a break down on Friday. Then when all things calmed down and me and the dogs were snuggling on the chair, and I started reading my book... my sister walked in unannounced and uninvited and it all started again. I was then rude to my sister and brought this up 3 times over the next 2 days.

I learned 2 things from this.

#1 I judged my parents ability and skill with taking on a new puppy.

#2 I always make a point of spilling my negative feelings toward people. I can't keep it in.

Why do I judge people? Why do I think I know what is right what is wrong? How people are. What they do. It is silly, and I make excuses for why I do it. I tell my self I am helping them. I am helping them be a better person by telling them what they really should do.

Well I learned everything I said to my mom about Teddy and tips and tricks and blah blah. Well she is doing it and she does it better than me. I was wrong. I judged wrong.

I have a bad habit of trying to fix every one's problems. I judge the situation and then tell them what to do to fix it... and I am probably wrong most of the time. If people want advise they will ask, and when I give my opinion I will do it nicely.

And #2 to Tara.... I am just sorry that I was rude.... another thing I need to learn to keep my mouth shut when I am annoyed... It did no good to tell you that I was annoyed... I cant even think of what you did wrong. I was just crabby... and I wanted you to be sorry for it! Ugh... I hate being so imperfect....

on a lighter note this picture makes me really happy.

Dearest baby,
I am going to try to accept you just the way you are. I will try to show you what I know so you can be the best you, you can be. I know you will make mistakes and "annoy" me. But I will love you anyways. I will try to save my advise for when you are seeking. All these little lessons I learn they are for you too!

Your Dearest Mommy

Wednesday, January 4, 2012


Now that it is a new year 2011 is such a blur, and I am confused on what I really feel about 2011.

I love this year for my spiritual growth. I grew so much closer to God. It is truly beautiful. I love church, and I love everything I have learned, and I have so much more to grow and to learn and to change. And for this I love 2011.

I did not take any pictures from Jan1st 2011 - Dec 25th 2011 I think this is because my year was pretty uneventful. I took boring Cell phone pics and that is it. This is something I would like to change for 2012. Document my life with pictures!

We saved lots of money! I got a new position at work and a raise! For this I am grateful!

We decided to buy a house!

We found a house !

We were very unsuccessful trying to conceive. Then in September I was put on Femara on top of the Metformin and the supplements. I ovulated and got a period in November and December!!

I am soooo excited to say I have ovulated 2 times in a row, and I have not had to have my cycle induced since the end of September beginning of October. For this I am grateful!!

We ended the year in major stress with the buying of the house and the short sale, and the condo being sold out from under us. Though we have now figured this out. Unfortunately I have let that burned in my brain and I forget the wonderful things that happened.

So I am very excited for what 2012 has to throw my way.

Dearest Baby,
       I thought 2011 I would make you  and you would be growing. I was sadly wrong, but I think we have made some progress and that is what counts. My relationship with God is better and that is most important thing. Especially it is through God that I will be blessed with the miracle of one day meeting  you! Well Baby cheers to 2012 and hopefully this will be the year!

Love your Dearest Mommy!

A peaceful picture of my fishing sight last summer. A simple reminder for me to keep my peace through the present Chaos!