Well today my sister posted about her struggles with TTC on Facebook. she is on month 18 has ovulated 5 times now, and still no baby. Well she posted on facebook, and all people comments about having patience and it will happen,don't think about it, and I understand it took 7 months for me to get prego with baby #2.
I am about to rage so if you don't like cussing do NOT read futher...
here is what I have to say to all that bull shit...
FUCK YOU
FUCK ALL OF YOU.
YOU DON'T FUCKING GET IT!
BOO FUCKING HOOO IT TOOK LESS THAN A YEAR TO CONCIEVE BABY #2.... REALLY THAT DOESN'T FUCKING COMPARE.
DON'T FUCKING TELL ME TO HAVE PATIENCE. WHEN YOU HAVE BEEN BABY MAKING FOR 5 FUCKING YEARS WITH NO LUCK, WHEN YOU OVULATED 3 TIMES AND LOST IT ON THE 4TH, THEN I WILL LISTEN TO YOUR PATIENCE SPEACH... FUCK YOU.
WHEN YOU HAVE SPENT THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS, AND HAVE ONLY HIT THE TIP OF THE ICEBERG IN OPTIONS AND CAN'T AFFORD TO MOVE ON THEN I WILL LISTEN TO YOUR BULL SHIT... FUCK YOU.
DON'T TELL ME IT WILL HAPPEN WHEN IT HASN'T HAPPENED IN 5 YEARS.
DON'T TELL ME NOT TO THINK ABOUT IT AND IT WILL HAPPEN. BECAUSE LET ME CLUE YOU IN ON IT.... I HAVE TO FUCKING THINK ABOUT IT, BECAUSE NOT THINKING ABOUT MEANS I WON'T OVULATE YOU FUCKING GENIUS. I HAVE TO ACUTALLY TRY. I HAVE TO GIVE IT THOGHT.
LETS TRY THIS. THE NEXT PERSON THAT TELLS ME NOT TO THINK ABOUT IT I AM GOING TO PUNCH THEM IN THE NOSE AND TELL THEM NOT TO THINK ABOUT IT AND THE BLEEDING WILL GO AWAY.
LET ME KNOW HOW THAT WORKS OUT FOR YOU.
ok.....
I think I feel better. This was not even my post ON FACEBOOK. But my feelings run deep, and I keep them burried. But sometimes certain things trigger this reaction. Certain times it just bubbles up and explodes.
I will put my feelings back in my heart tucked way in the back. Where no one can touch it, and no one can soothe it.
I will place my entire heart and soul into God's hands for keeping, and feel peace again.
after all I am 100% ok with whatever God decides. If I never have a child. Its ok if that is what God wants.
But please understand sometimes I can only be human and I fall and fail. My emotions will rush and logic will not come. My heart will pound and anger will take over. But with God's help I can wrangle myself back together. And I will have peace again.
Maybe I will get better at it! Maybe not...
either way I want to be a mother. I want a baby. And talking to people helps and hurts all at the same time.
I am getting bitter. Words people say are making it worse not better. I think I need to keep to myself more and pray harder to keep the bitterness at bay.
But to my sister. I love you, and I understand! I swear I do. I have the best positive feelings in regards to your situation. I know you will give me a little niece or nephew to love and spoil. Please don't get bitter like me. Keep your peace through God, and wait on God's perfect will. Stay positive. and Tomorrow I will be positive about myself again. Just a little slip up... for today...and when you slip up and get angry... I will understand!! I promise! I will just let you yell it out girl! I won't stop you!
Good post sister! :) It is good to let it out and be unreasonable, and lash out! as long as you draw it back in!
ReplyDeleteI know the words on facebook post don't help,and sometimes are the wrong thing to say but it is nice to know all those people care enough about me to take the time to say something. But i totally get it, because I was furious with that same person that you are mad about on my facebook page when she wrote on your facebook page!! I think we protect each other!
and a post on my facebook that someone just said "its like a club" and it is so true, because people don't know until its happened to them, and I do think that people who struggle, even though its under a year, do feel the pain, and I think as time goes on, the wounds grow deeper and deeper. I don't think my wound is as deep as yours, because I haven't had to struggle as long as you have.
But we got this sister. I know when you and Gabe are ready to go full steam ahead, I will be your number one cheerleader!