Thursday, April 19, 2012

Back to natural

So in the midst of the houseing chaos we are currently in and me screwing up cycle #4. I have stopped TTC. I am taking no supplements or medications. I stopped. I am focusing on the getting a house and moving. I think I am a hair away from insanity. But in moments of peace I have been doing a lot of reading. I am so un healthy. PCOS is not curable, but it is totally treatable. I just have to change. Its like diabetes. Not curable just treatable. You have to change your life. Its hard. But I am finding my motivation. There is a flaw I have to over come. This flaw is instant gratification. The desire to be a mother is strong. So strong I dream of it and day dream of it. I feel it with my entire being and heart. The problem is it feels so far away. so far in the distance. Skipping this ice cream right now will not make me pregnant. There is always tomorrow. This is not working. In the moment the instant gratification will always come. I am fueling myself currently with motivation. I have stepped away. I am reading and learning. It is not just about making my dearest baby. That will be the greatest gift God will ever bless me with, but in the moment it is more than that. I do not want my insulin to surge. I want to feel good. I want my body to feel good. I want my body to look good. I do not want the sluggish fatigued feeling. I do not want this feeling of shame.I do not want my baby to be faced with my same demons. I can change this and I can change it all now. I will feel great I will get more if I can accomplish this. This is more than diet and exercise. This is feeling good. This is eating clean. This is preparation and motivation and health. Stopping diabetes IR PCOS and Obesity in its tracks. Not letting them control me. Breaking free. Caring for the body God gave me. Loving the body God gave me. Utelizing the body God gave me. Now since reading all the homeopathic remedies and what benefits a healthy lifestyle can truly bring I am feeling called back to the Natural way. Once I move I will go back to progestrone and femara for my cycles, as I was ovulating on this regimen, I am going to get back into supplements again. and I am going to keep fueling my motivation and knowledge until I decide to take the plunge again. My first change I am going to be implementing while I am doing this is going to be quitting coffee. I start my morning off every morning with an insulin and caffiene surge. Which always results in cravings and crashes later. I need to start my day off much better. I would like to start making protein shakes in the mornings. This is a huge step for me. So I need to mull over it for a few more weeks and Take the plunge when I am ready. Headaches will last for 7-10 days they say.... this fact scareS me to death. Quitting smoking was bad enough... the thought of giving up another beloved vice and feeling crap before it gets better just sucks...


  1. This is totally motivating me sister! Juicing has really helped me, but my snacking on sugary things is out of control. we can do this.

  2. I can hear the motivation in you and I know you can do it. Its going to definitely be for the better.