Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Tis the season! for stress...

I love the holidays, and the warmth and the family time, and the fresh cold winter before we all get sick of it! I love the hustle and bustle of the malls with all the people and all the gifts, and the extra stock of fun things. I love the decorations and smells and over all feel. I love the church services and the meaning behind it all. But we all know tis the season for stress! This year is a bit worse for me. My stress is higher than usual. I have the every year stress of what do I buy for whom? How much money am I spending? Where do I go when? Can I fit everyone in? The ever present family dramas. But this year I am also worried about my house. When are we going to move? Will we be able to inspect the roof? Are we ready for this? Hubby's hours got cut at work. He did fortunately make it through 3 rounds of layoffs. We are blessed! Worring about Sunday School. The Christmas program. Making it to bible study. Stress over money... stress over money... did I say stress over money?? So to make myself feel better you are never going to guess what we decided to do! This makes no sense! We SPLURGED AND BOUGHT OUR SELVES EXPENSIVE CHRISTMAS GIFTS. That was stressful enough. But I am glad we did it! it is crazy I know! But we love our Christmas gifts! LOL.
The next large stresser is my dearest baby... I ovulated last month. and this month I am on cycle day 21 and so far I dont think I have ovulated. We put our all into trying this month. So I am feeling very stressed out and disappointed. I thought this was going to be my month! I hope I am wrong. but I just don't think I am. I think last month was a fluke.... tears...
I lost a few pounds this month. but my food battles are never ending, and I seem to lose more than I win.
Not smoking is going great. Though I tend to snack more than ever before. Every once in a while I just want a ciggy BADLY.
My supplements are not going all that well. I have been thinking about starting to juice like my sister does. and picking back up on the supplements and get to ovulating again. But with this move coming up I have sooo much stress!
I have been excersing more, but not enough.
Thats the story of my life sometimes. its good, but its not enough! Its never enough.
I have had moments where I just want to give up. I have had breakdowns and meltdowns. Lots of tears and ugly emotions towards other people I have never felt before.
Jealousy is something I have never really struggled with. Lately I am a jealous girl. I don't hate anyone for what they have. But I WANT what they have. and I judge the people that have it and think of why they don't deserve it. I am feeling worried and stressed and ugly.
So I am working on giving it to God. Letting him take care of me. I am walking blind and we will see what happens. I will do the best I can with what I have. If I make a mistake it will all be ok. God will take care of me. I just have to try. I need to be thankful for what I have. Not think about what I dont have. I am soo richly blessed in this life. I cannot believe I feel sorry for myself on certain days.
Today I am thankful for my wonderful little shit of a husband :)
Dearest Baby,

Today I would like to beg of you and God, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE COME TO ME!!!



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